In my long and checkered career I have been witness to, party to, and even singularly responsible for any number of screw-ups, missteps,fist fights,jealous lovers,stolen guitars,blackouts of every variety both drug and alcohol induced and many over-reaches of what is considered appropriate behavior. I am no saint. The focus of my career or "lack of" has not always been a relentless drive towards acceptance nor fame and riches. It has been a never ending attempt to feel the way I did hearing and seeing my favorite groups as a kid. They had a profound effect on my life at an early age, and continue to do so. I never tried to be "them", as reaching that seemed completely out of reach as a kid. I merely wanted to be part of "IT". I wanted a guitar, like most suburban misfit kids, I wanted the leather jacket..and I wanted to be different from the kids at school. In doing so all of us who chose that path alienated ourselves. It wasn't anything I ever whined about in my songs later, you just accepted the fact you'd have to fight,run from and put up with all the assholes that wanted to beat the shit outta you! lol. I didn't do well in school..hell I didn't even try!!. When I started my first band in 1976..it was horrible of course, but I loved it!! I knew three chords (the same ones I use now). My parents didn't know what to do, as most kids trying to become rockers can relate to.They finally just gave in. By the time I got out of high school in 1980 playing the guitar was all I wanted to do. I played in many groups & that's not important..but what is important is that it's pretty much the same story for most of us. When I say US, I mean those who have continued to play, and give up everything to do so. It gives one an uncertain future, no stability, fucked up relationships and a never ending urge to beat ones heart against a brickwall. I've been knocking around the music business for twenty-eight years, I’ve witnessed some pretty ugly episodes of human disaster & self distruction. I've seen failures, and also watched good friends & enemies find great success. I have become friends with some people I thought I'd never meet, and also destroyed friendships I thought would last forever. The point here is this. As my own group trudges along, I keep being asked to sum up my musical past for interviews, and it's impossible to do so with a real feeling of explanation & honesty. I'm talking about rockers like me, older and not that much wiser..lol even now! We've borrowed,begged and stolen... lived off our parents & girlfriends..sold out our pride, and been ashamed of some of our actions! All just to play "rock n roll". To dream that someday, it will all make sense, and we'll have whatever it is we started after in the first place. At this point in my life, I really do believe in the music I grew up on...and looking back, I wouldn't change a fucking thing about it. Even though some will say, and even myself at times...that "It's nothing like it used to be".
But the more I cruise around the horrible world of cyberspace...it's still out there! You can find the real stuff...kids like I was, still etching out heart felt rock n roll. Not trying to be a fashion statement, or popular in the pop world...but truly living & doing what they feel is right. Punk rock n roll isn't gone..it's just been blanketed & glazed over by a handful of corporate whores...& bands that forgot what it was like..or never even knew in the first place!
I'm just grateful to still be doing it..playing, and trying to be heard...even if no one gets the message...it doesn't matter. At this point it's all icing on the cake. I will never be wealthy, nor a household name...but that was never the purpose of first picking up that guitar...well..maybe to meet girls..LOL. But time has blasted by, and now I'm in my 40's...and I often wonder what the point is..and why the fuck I'm still doing this...and then I hear a Ramones tune, or a Clash song...and I remember why!!..hell!!..I can FEEL why!!...and then suddenly I'm comfortable & at ease with myself. I've never changed..I never will. I never wanted the corporate life, nor the wife and kids...and certainly not a life of mediocrity. So I'll say this..to anyone who reads this, and is playing in..or starting a band...Play from the heart & don't look towards some "big plan" on being a rock star..cause if that's what your aiming for...your aim is off! Never feel ashamed of anything you've had to do just to play. Don't treat others like your better than they are, and don't forget why you wanted to play....keep playing..cause if you stop!!..and try to start that life of mediocrity...you may as well be dead. Some of us are just meant to be on the outside...shit the world would be boring if you weren’t out there.
And if your one of those who "make it"...for fuck sake....don't begin to think that what your playing & saying is any more important than the kid that cleans your pool & his band!!..because it ain't. That's where the original message of punk got twisted. To everyone else..search them out...take the time to listen to some groups on the fringe instead of the groups that are shoved in your ears and face....you might just be surprised.
Cheers!
/ Keith